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PW 284: The passive-aggressive partner

What is “passive-aggressive” behavior and what is it good for?

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Introduction

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:30 Topic: What does it mean to be “passive-aggressive”?

Wikipedia gives the limited clinical definition, but Cecil Adams of the Straight Dope has a far more relative (yet researched) take. My own technical definition? “Any behavior in which you feel a strong negative emotion but instead of communicating it directly, you act weird instead.” This manifests in most of us at some point, and it’s incredibly annoying, useless and ultimately ineffective. Let’s just not do it, shall we?

16:00 Feedback

  • Brian likes episode on introverts, noting it’s nice to be understood in a primarily extroverted culture

18:20 Wrap-up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here or discuss your own topics at the forums. Check out PolyWeekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Originally published at Polyamory Weekly. Please leave any comments there.

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PW 283: Building a poly community

Building a poly community – thoughts from Polycamp Vancouver Island

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Introduction

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

3:30 Topic: Live from the Pillow Palace

Live from the Pillow Palace at PolyCamp Vancouver Island, a nine-day camping event within a caring and giving community. Pierce, Quentin, Cora, Kiki and Scott talk about sex education vegetables, Kiki’s new head shaving and the birth of the poly community in Vancouver.

25:45 Feedback

Anne brings up and defines the “Joey Potter effect.” The Joey Potter = a person trying to live monogamously while romantically attracted to more than one person. The JPE involves frequent breakups with one love interest to date another, relationship sabotage and overanalysis of one’s own motivations.

28:00 Wrap-up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here or discuss your own topics at the forums. Check out PolyWeekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Originally published at Polyamory Weekly. Please leave any comments there.

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PW 282: Naked in Vancouver

Journal of Polycamp Vancouver Island

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Introduction

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

2:00 Announcements

  • Headed to Burning Man? Visit Poly Asylum, home of poly-friendly parties and a host of poly relationship sessions and advice.
  • Suspended Animation – a must-visit camp for bondage suspension at the burn
  • Thanks again to Joseph for the tickets to the burn! And for setting me up for a slot at BMIR radio on Thursday at 4:00 PM

4:30 Miss Poly Manners: Milestones

Advice on acknowledging relationship milestones within a poly setting. Recommended reading: The Five Love Languages and The Five Love Languages for Singles by Dr. Gary Chapman.

10:00 Topic: Naked at PolyCamp Vancouver Island

Audio journals live from PolyCamp Vancouver Island, a nine-day camping event within a caring and giving community. Thanks to Kiki and Zoe for giving me the chance to experience this!

24:00 Feedback

Paul asks about managing mono-poly relationships.

27:00 Thanks

Thanks to Niko for the generous donation!

Wrap-up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here or discuss your own topics at the forums. Check out PolyWeekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Originally published at Polyamory Weekly. Please leave any comments there.

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PW 281: Infidelity will keep us together

What do you think of Dan Savage’s NYT article on non-monogamy?

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Introduction

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

2:45 Book review

PW book reviewer Kurt review’s Kathy Labriola’s Love in Abudance, a Counselor’s Guide to Opening Relationships The book deals with poly effects on current relationships, including dealing with demotion, displacement and intrusion.

8:20 Poly movie review: La Belle Epoque

PW film reviewer Joreth reviews the 1992 Spanish poly-ish film, la Belle Epoque.

15:30 Topic: Dan Savage’s take on infidelity

Discussing the huge, seven-page article in the New York Times exploring Dan Savage’s take on infidelity and the role it plays in keeping monogamous relationships together.

32:45 Feedback

  • John from Lacy responds to 276, “Okay” is a four-letter word, claiming responsibility for communication falls on all parties
  • Emily calls in from a smallish Midwestern college town and asks about Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell in her relationship. If she isn’t comfortable with it, what should she do?

Josh calls in to muse on the question of why we get married to begin with. What is your reason?

45:15 Wrap-up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here or discuss your own topics at the forums. Check out PolyWeekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Originally published at Polyamory Weekly. Please leave any comments there.

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PW 280: Kinkster Advice Line

Raven Kaldera answers your questions about being poly in a D/s relationship

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Introduction

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

2:20 Raven Kaldera answers your poly BDSM questions!

Raven Kaldera, author of Polyamory and Power Circuits, shares some wisdom on polyamory in the world of BDSM and power dynamics.

  • 3:00 QuotidianLight: How to structure a relationship where a fem sub has her own fem sub. “Do I ask your daddy?” Who is in charge of whom?
  • 6:55 Nellodee: How to make a long-distance, poly D/s relationship work?
  • 10:45 DocErotiq: How to handle being a sub to your primary but Dom to everyone else. They have an owned and collared sub, and he bottoms to her. Also, how to be a Dom as a parent who is a switch and subs to Mom.
  • 16:10 AdeleLoves: How can a couple where one person is into D/s and the other isn’t make it work?

23:15 Feedback

  • Regarding Am I jealous? Episode 277 comments on religious tolerance – a bit of a rant proclaiming no religious tolerance until the religion tolerates different orientations
  • Josh on episode 221 on the This American Life episode on infidelity

Wrap-up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here or discuss your own topics at the forums. Check out PolyWeekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Originally published at Polyamory Weekly. Please leave any comments there.

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PW 279: Polyamory and BDSM

Raven Kaldera, author of Polyamory and Power CircuitsRaven Kaldera talks about polyamory in a power dynamice–and targets common misakes

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Introduction

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:40 Interview: Raven Kaldera on Polyamory and BDSM

Raven Kaldera, author of Polyamory and Power Circuits, shares some wisdom on polyamory in the world of BDSM and power dynamics.

  • Why do we need a poly book exclusively about power dynamics and D/s?
  • Why we should not take lessons from porn
  • The power of months of negotiation
  • Common myth: the BBM (Big Bad Master) has to make all the relationship decisions and simply instruct his slaves how to behave
  • Best advice: force your slaves to talk to each other to deal with conflict
  • Jealousy with owned slave versus part-time sub
  • Dealing with egalitarian partners; addressing Shiny New Lover syndrome with a current/egalitarian partner

32:00 Wrap-up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here or discuss your own topics at the forums. Check out PolyWeekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Originally published at Polyamory Weekly. Please leave any comments there.

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PW 278: Joys of sexting

Is sexting cheating?

Joys of sexting and the pyramid of cheating–is sexting cheating to you?

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Introduction

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

2:00 Announcements

  • Need to check out your date’s background? There’s an app for that: http://www.intelius.com/mobile For date check; “sleaze detector” (criminal records), property ownership, compatibility, interests (social networks) and living situation
  • New UK poly resource, Polytical, and a page with all the poly events in the UK

4:05 Topic: Joy of sexting and the pyramid of cheating

After Weiner’s explicit sexting dilemma, the question is out: is sexting cheating? Whether you’re poly, mono or something within the Venn diagram, consider where YOU draw the line of cheating. And where does the line between fantasy and reality come with online interaction and real-life flirting? How is sexting different from chatting with friends on multi-player online games?

  • fantasizing about movie stars, people you know
  • watching porn
  • web cam girls
  • phone sex line
  • flirting at a bar
  • flirting via text
  • chatting on IM
  • sexting
  • sending racy pix
  • deep emotional conversation – in same city or not
  • meeting the person IRL
  • kink
  • seeing a pro dom
  • surfing pix on kink or porn sites without chatting
  • what about surfing FetLife

24:00 Feedback


MidnightCreate offers feedback on episode 275 on introverts vs. extroverts: a book called The Shyness Solution by Catherine Gillet, L.C.S.W.

Thanks

Thanks to Johnathan and John for their donations. And super-duper-wooper thanks to Joseph for the wonderful gift of tickets to Burning Man!

Wrap-up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here or discuss your own topics at the forums. Check out PolyWeekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Originally published at Polyamory Weekly. Please leave any comments there.

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PW 277: Jealousy and courage

Talking jealousy and the power of courage with Franklin Veaux

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Introduction

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

Host Chat

Musings on the ShibariCon experience and how it was the best con ever.

9:30 Topic: Jealousy and Heinlein

Tacit, host of the Xeromag poly site, discusses Heinlein and jealousy; don’t confuse the trigger for the root; expressing your needs, even when a new person comes along

  • life rewards people who move in the direction of greatest courage; the rewards of a husband reaching out and talking to the wife’s new lover, who was succesfully exploring kink with her
  • his new book, More Than Two, his LiveJournal is a Tacit, and his mega poly site is at Xeromag poly site; the book’s focus is on practical tools to make relationships work on a daily basis
  • comments on NRE–he thinks it keeps you from getting to the good stuff and knowing who the person really is; a shared life
  • Franklin long-distance relationships; his polysaturation point for non-LDR’s (three); and LDR’s requiring deliberate time versus volume of mundane time; minx comments on needing a poly sugardaddy to support her LDR habits; knowing where your boundaries are with discussing sex
  • having a lover/main partner who takes it upon herself (is “proactive”) to ask about and discuss his relationships with new partners instead of waiting for him to tell her what is going on; optimism for love

38:00 Wrap-up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here or discuss your own topics at the forums. Check out PolyWeekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Originally published at Polyamory Weekly. Please leave any comments there.

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PW 276: “Okay” is a four-letter word

Violet Blue's Total Flirt iPhone app

“Okay” and “fine” are four-letter words–ban them from your relationship

vocabulary!

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Introduction and host chat

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

1:40 App review: Violet Blue’s Total Flirt

Review of Violet Blue’s fun new wingman iPhone app, Total Flirt.

2:50 Book review: Open All the Way

Open All the Way by Sexy Sadie

Kurt provides his review of Sadie Smythe’s book, Open All the Way, on her and her husband’s experiences with opening up the marriage, both in theory and in practice. They deal with jealousy, breakups and NRE and share the value and benefits of multiple loves. Kurt also shares their musings on the pervasive power of monogamy.

7:15 Topic: “Okay” is a four-letter word

And our topic today is a rebroadcast from July 2008 and relevant for everyone whether you’re poly, monogamous, curious or confused. Get ready for a vintage rants!

  • “OK” “fine” are both evil because it doesn’t provide information; instead it begs many questions.
  • If you are asking a new person out and you have a current partner, you will need to expect them to meet.
  • How tough it is for secondaries ending up mixing it up with somebody or both people from a couple and the challenges that go with that
  • Your new relationships need some TLC as well.
  • Some advice for the metamour.  Don’t use the word “OK.”  Say something like “I really enjoy watching Steve doing X” as one example. In conclusion, don’t use “OK”!

19:00 Feedback

  • Tina calls in to share thoughts that poly is reaching critical mass and easier to find; on having difficulty finding the POV of young poly folks (versus older and settling down); and on STI information and episodes
  • 28:15 Josh calls in about bisexuality—what do you think?

29:05 Wrap-up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here or discuss your own topics at the forums. Check out PolyWeekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Originally published at Polyamory Weekly. Please leave any comments there.

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PW 275: Introverts vs. Extroverts

Living as and loving introverts

The care and feeding of introverts–and what it means to be one or have one as a partner or metamour

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Introduction and host chat

Under 18? Stop listening now and visit http://www.scarleteen.com

2:20 Poly Movie Review: Carrington

The PW Movie Reviewer Joreth gives a review of the 1995 movie Carrington. For more poly and poly-ish movie reviews, visit her movie review page.

8:15 Topic: Introverts vs. Extroverts

Our topic today is a rebroadcast from July 2007 and one of my favorite show topics–the care and feeding of introverts and how to both be one and deal with one in your poly relationship.

This article by Jonathan Rauch on the care and feeding of introverts was the subject of much discussion when I posted it here and to my own blog (the comments are a great discussion)

  • introverts can be seen as aloof or snobby
  • Rauch clarifies that introverts simply find other people tiring and suggests that introverts find a way to state that in social settings
  • even extroverts need time to recharge
  • Aiyume mentions on the Myers-Briggs scale
  • observations on introverts from the Poly 101 session on Poly for the Introvert in Austin, Texas
  • SweetAinsley comments that introverts and extroverts view conversations differently–extroverts focus more on flow and dislike pauses; introverts seek out pauses and don’t talk just to fill space
  • Badmagic comments that extroverts don’t necessarily “draw energy from other people” while introverts don’t, but rather it’s a spectrum of how much recharge time folks need; he suggests that introverts try just listening, but be warned people might overshare

Karen comments that introversion makes trying to find a job really difficult

27:40 Wrap-up

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Email polyweekly@gmail.com and attach an audio comment or call the listener comment line at 206-202-POLY. Friend us on Twitter or Facebook, leave a comment here or discuss your own topics at the forums. Check out PolyWeekly podcasts at polyweekly.libsyn.com. Share this with a friend or write an iTunes review! Want Poly Weekly for your very own? Get the Best of Poly Weekly collection from PodDisc.com Our intro and outro music is courtesy of Pacemaker Jane, “Good Suspicions.”

Originally published at Polyamory Weekly. Please leave any comments there.